Big Farm by MJM

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A HISTORY LESSON
The cover story in the current edition of Smithsonian Magazine is on the efforts to save the crumbling Taj Mahal. It was constructed 350 years ago as a final resting place for the Indian Emperor’s favorite wife. The Emperor was totally devastated by her death at the age of 38 after giving birth to their 14th child. Notice I said favorite wife, apparently there were others too. With multiple wives, how many children did he have? Did he show love for any of his other wives and his many, many children?
I guess you could call it a beautiful love story, at least from his point of view because he spent 15 years constructing her tomb.
I can’t help wondering how the poor woman felt about his romantic obsession with her during her lifetime. Is there a possibility that at one point she might like to have said “not tonight honey, I have a headache”? ‘Course if she had said that she might no longer have had a head.

Monday, August 22, 2011

FROM HEAD TO TOE

As you age, bothersome things start to happen to you.

Let’s start with your hair. It will probably become gray then turn to white. Of course you can color it, but it will still change. Sometimes it also becomes thin. You’ll notice some women actually have bald spots the same as men.

You'll possibly have cataracts and need eye surgery. That's the easy part. The difficulty comes afterwards when you need to follow an elaborate schedule to use three different eye drops at various times from morning 'til bedtime.

When you visit the dentist, you can be diagnosed as having periodontal disease. This means after the very costly first visit, subsequent visits cost up to $200. Now I have to find someone who will just clean my teeth.

Hearing problems are rampart and some people refuse to believe they have one. So learn to speak loudly and distinctly.

The older you get, the more your mind changes. You’ll begin to notice that little problem  of forgetting things, people’s names or names of your grandchildren or what you were about to say. Why did I open the refrigerator? What day is it? The older you get the more frequently this happens. You’re OK if you really strive to come up with the answer.

One thing that’s really upsetting is the day you first see wrinkles when you weren’t looking for them. When did they really appear?  Did then come just last night?

Now to your arms, I can remember my own mother’s arms and hands being all wrinkly and with liver spots or the black and blue marks that come so easily. You’ll probably remember the same things because it hurts so much when you notice your parent growing old.

There are weird moles which suddenly appear on various parts of your body, my dermatologist called them barnacles but never suggested removing them.

Your stomach is going to get bigger!

Be prepared when you get up from bed or a chair in order to use the bathroom, it’s possible you might have an embarrassing leak as you scurry to get there.

What’s more embarrassing than passing gas? As you age it happens more and more and people will ignore it or give a little laugh.

Varicose veins appeared on my legs. When my I raced my three year old grandson to the mailbox, he beat me by a mile. I was totally shocked when I realized my racing days were over.

Now we get to the feet. When my mother needed her toenails clipped by a podiatrist, I wondered why she couldn’t do it herself because it was so costly. Now I understand why.

Everyday will eventually start with a line-up of various pills and you’ll have to remember to take them at the right time.  Don’t worry you won’t die if you forget a few.

Now I’ll cover sleeping habits. They change. No matter how late you go to bed, you’ll find you wake up early and can’t get back to sleep. That’s where naps come in, plural. That happens, don’t feel guilty. It’s just a matter of recharging your batteries.

IMPORTANT WARNINGS!

One thing you must remember when you drop something is to never, never get on the floor on your hands and knees without having something to hold onto when you get up again. This is imperative.

Another no-no is to never, never drop by to visit a friend. Always phone first, chances are the woman will still be in her nightgown.


Sunday, August 14, 2011

SPORTS NEWS
Here’s the latest in sports news.
Two criminals were arrested and charged with stealing items from the spring training rental home of three of the Rays star players. Among the items missing was Evan Longoria’s AK-47. Want to know how the burglars managed to get into the house?
The sliding glass door was open to allow their dogs to get out and a window was unlocked to allow burglars in.
Player Longoria had a permit for the gun, I guess for protection. It’s also possible he has a concealed weapons license.
Where is the gun now? I’m sure long gone into criminal hands and the registration number can be traced back to the idol of many young baseball fans when it’s used to kill a mother or a father or a child or a policeman. Then if he’s traded, many of his fans might not care so much. I certainly don’t care now.
Among other things stolen was some marijuana according to the two captured thieves. Naturally the players denied having any, but if some was found it might possibly have belonged to a house guest.






Thursday, August 11, 2011

A WILD AND CRAZY GAL

When I was in my early teens, I used guns.  My three brothers were deer hunters in Western Pennsylvania and twenty-two rifles were always in our home. I was taught to load, aim, fire and clean the gun and I knew all about the safety button. I also knew how to break it apart to carry it safely in town.

With a rifle in my hand along with 22 longs, the ammunition needed, I hiked into the Chestnut Ridge and practiced shooting across a reservoir on the way to a place called the “High Rocks” which every kid in our little town knew from years of roaming there. Our families always knew we played there from an early age. We were allowed to roam at will as long as we returned in time for dinner. No one ever got lost on the winding trails up the ridge that featured large rocks, mountain streams and fallen trees with spectacular views from the high rocky hills. You always knew where you were if you took side trails by following the mountain stream that fed into two reservoirs. Usually we would run into a few friends coming and going on the trails.

One day as I was shooting across the water at trees I used as my target, a man called to me asking “didn't I know that the bullets could ricochet and hit something else, possibly him?” I was surrounded by forest and had thought there was no one else around and the idea really frightened me.

What he said stuck in my mind. I stopped using the gun soon after. I  had realized that guns do kill people.







Tuesday, August 2, 2011

SPORTS EQUIPMENT

 Something caught my eye recently in the “For Sale” section of our newspaper about a gun for sale complete with ammo. I then saw there were many ads in the same column with other gun offers, including the famous Glock used in spy and mystery novels.

I looked at the heading for the column and saw it was for Sports Equipment, but the majority of items “for sale” were guns. Today I even saw a scare tactic ad saying to get your gun now before a law goes into effect that bans “your ability to even own a gun”.

I wonder if any of the guns advertised in our newspapers are sold to people without background checks made on them. 

I wonder where all those murderers of the policemen get their guns. Maybe they just checked out the sports equipment ads.